Huskie
New Member
Be Adventerous!
Posts: 17
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Daneli
Sept 14, 2006 15:39:20 GMT -5
Post by Huskie on Sept 14, 2006 15:39:20 GMT -5
Hi Daneli, welcome to the Dreamcatcher Valley Pack! I'm Huskie, and I'm also very new,
Hey, I learned this the hard way, this is not where you put the character description. I see you found where you ARE supposed to put it though. So, just welcome to the pack! Hope to see you around here a lot!
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Daneli
Sept 14, 2006 20:16:37 GMT -5
Post by Silver~Daneli~Neimha on Sept 14, 2006 20:16:37 GMT -5
yah i forgot where to put it at first but i got it in the right place
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Huskie
New Member
Be Adventerous!
Posts: 17
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Daneli
Sept 15, 2006 19:10:58 GMT -5
Post by Huskie on Sept 15, 2006 19:10:58 GMT -5
((Glad you found it! Now this is where you start a story, you start with being a lone wolf, and Athoran should direct you from there. I have absolutely no knowledge of how this place works, so he should be here in a bit))
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Daneli
Sept 15, 2006 20:04:57 GMT -5
Post by Silver~Daneli~Neimha on Sept 15, 2006 20:04:57 GMT -5
ok ty
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Daneli
Sept 15, 2006 20:10:17 GMT -5
Post by Silver~Daneli~Neimha on Sept 15, 2006 20:10:17 GMT -5
a silvery white wolf with black tiped ears and tail walks slowly and looks for somthing to eat and she finds a mose and starts to chase after it but it runs down a hole "wow just my luck" lays down under a big oak tree.
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Daneli
Sept 15, 2006 22:44:03 GMT -5
Post by Athoran ~ Marbos ~ Dehatak on Sept 15, 2006 22:44:03 GMT -5
((Hey, Daneli! I was telling Huskie, welcoming newcomers isn't actually my job, but Keaton and October haven't been around, so I'm filling in.
Quick thoughts: You can go ahead and put everything in past tense: "A silvery wolf walked" instead of "A silvery wolf walks." It makes it sound more like a story that way, and it sounds better if everyone's using the same tense. Anyway.
Also, we're trying to keep this as an "advanced to moderate" level RP, meaning we like longer posts, and ask members to grammar/spell check what they write. Usually, this just entails a quick proofread of your post once you've written it. Enhanced word choice/description gets you bonus points. For example, your post was one big long sentence, which technically makes it "short." However, you could easily turn it into a greater number of shorter sentences:
A silvery white wolf with black tiped ears and tail stalked slowly down the path, looking for something to eat. She spotted a mouse and started to chase after it, but it vanished down a hole. "Wow, just my luck," she hissed, laying down under a big oak tree.
So yeah. Brief read-through typically suffices. It keeps the RP easily readable and pretty-looking, which we like.
Other than that, looks pretty good. Oh! One more thing. The typical trend for a join thread is this: Wolf recognizes by smell that s/he has entered the territory of a new pack. Wolf howls to alert the pack to his/her presence. Pack member shows up to accept wolf into pack ranks. (For examples, you can read through some of the other join threads. The one started by Zayowind is a good model.)
The way you have it is fine, though. In theory, a Teca (a wolf that accepts new members) could just stumble upon your wolf while scouting. However, wolves that enter pack territory without announcing themselves are usually considered trespassers, and there's plenty of threatening/snarling/biting involved. Typically not fun. If you can pull it off, though, go for it. Makes for very fun threads!
I think that's it. I'm not actually going to have Athoran come meet you yet, because like I said, it's not my job. So, I'm gonna wait for Keaton and October, but if they don't make it on shortly, I'll go ahead and show up. That shouldn't be a problem though; Insanity (Keaton's player) just logged on recently, so she's around.
So yeah, I'm pretty sure that covers it. If you have any questions, just let me know! Welcome to the Valley! ;D ))
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Daneli
Sept 16, 2006 8:33:13 GMT -5
Post by Silver~Daneli~Neimha on Sept 16, 2006 8:33:13 GMT -5
She sat up because she smelled more wolves around and howled to tell them she is not a intruder
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Daneli
Sept 16, 2006 15:15:49 GMT -5
Post by Silver~Daneli~Neimha on Sept 16, 2006 15:15:49 GMT -5
she started to dream and seen memories of her past and then she saw her best friend Zaphod and started to cry then she woke up and howled a sad song for her friend and to have some one to find her and her father Silver because she doesn't like to be alone
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Daneli
Sept 16, 2006 23:06:40 GMT -5
Post by Keaton~Morphain~Lyra~Kuraga on Sept 16, 2006 23:06:40 GMT -5
Morphain padded along, scouting. Seeing that Keaton had been having fun with the pups, he'd headed off to see if anyone was wandering about the territory. His ears twitched at the sound of a howl.
" Ah, more newcomers." He murmured to himself, smiling slightly. He sprinted over to the source, a fea. " Welcome to the valley. " Morphain spoke loudly and clearly, bowing his head in greeting. " My name is Morphain. Who are you? " Some of his childish inquisition (( Is that even a word? xD )) showing through, as he cocked his head. Always curious.
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Daneli
Sept 17, 2006 6:26:52 GMT -5
Post by Silver~Daneli~Neimha on Sept 17, 2006 6:26:52 GMT -5
"i am Daneli"she said still looking sad but relieved that some one is there.as she walked over to Morphan she tripped and fell flat on her face (lol i had to) she got up and shook it off " is it all right if me and my father join your pack Morphan"
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Daneli
Sept 17, 2006 11:38:33 GMT -5
Post by Keaton~Morphain~Lyra~Kuraga on Sept 17, 2006 11:38:33 GMT -5
" Well...I'm just the welcome mat. " Morphain replied with a chuckle. " It's the Azyra's choice, really. But I'm sure they'll be fine with you and your father joining. " Morphain paused. " But...where is your father, Daneli? " He questioned, a look of concerning crossing his face. If they believed him trespassing, they might attack. He hadn't heard any other howls.
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Daneli
Sept 17, 2006 15:39:38 GMT -5
Post by Silver~Daneli~Neimha on Sept 17, 2006 15:39:38 GMT -5
"he is over there" looked over at the bush behind her.
a large silvery white wolf appears from behind the bush severely wounded on his left hind led "hello i am silver"
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Daneli
Sept 17, 2006 16:00:36 GMT -5
Post by Keaton~Morphain~Lyra~Kuraga on Sept 17, 2006 16:00:36 GMT -5
Morphain bowed his head in greeting once more. " Welcome to the valley, Silver and Daneli. " He eyed Silver's wound, eyes traveling to the male's eyes next, questioning if he was okay. " Come, I will show you to our home. " He replied, averting his eyes towards the pack. He began walking, expecting them to follow.
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Daneli
Sept 17, 2006 16:27:39 GMT -5
Post by Silver~Daneli~Neimha on Sept 17, 2006 16:27:39 GMT -5
"i am fine it doesn't hurt that much"Silver fallowed with a limp and Daneli fallowed behind her father
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Daneli
Sept 18, 2006 19:03:15 GMT -5
Post by Keaton~Morphain~Lyra~Kuraga on Sept 18, 2006 19:03:15 GMT -5
(( Okay, so go on and post in 'Souls Exploration' under the main board. Talk to the Azyra's. ^^ ))
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